Fox and Friends

Before you all jump on me for being one of those people who bang down the door of the gum at the ass crack of dawn, let me preface by saying I'm not normally at the gum by 7:00. I was, however, there today, but unfortunately I was not there fast enough to monopolize the TV, which is how I cam to spend half an hour watching Fox news.

At one juncture, I actually had to put my hands on my cheeks in Home Alone-esque shock and do the look around to see if anyone else was catching this. Unfortunately, it was just me, my utter disgust, and the guy who chose the channel.

When we tuned in, Fox was discussing a news story about a drunk girl at a mall who was abducted. There is camera footage, but you can't see the abductor. Apparently this is the fourth abduction in five years to occur in this area and the news woman suggested that one way to assure that you don't get abducted as a woman is to monitor your drinking.

Um, come again?

So, let me get this straight: ultimately it was the victim's fault because she was inebriated and if she had been sober none if this would have happened. Right. That's how we solve the problem of violence against women.

And speaking of violence against women, Fox then had the gaul to suggest that the reason the Ray Rice case is getting so much coverage is because crusaders against the inherent machismo in the NFL want to bring the demise of the franchise.

What with the who now? As a non-watcher, non-enjoyer of football and someone who doesn't particularly like the culture it perpetuates, let me be the first to say that I don't want football to go away. What we bleeding heart liberals would like to see is a shift in the culture. The reality is that these NFL stars ate multimillionaire role models, often for minority youth, and the message that has been iterated over and over is that these players are above the law because sport and entertainment trumps ethics. And that's not an okay message to send to anybody. Period.

And THEN they grabbed their harpoon and did a segment called "Food Police" in which they attacked Michelle Obama's policing of school lumches. Now, in theory, and this us going to shock you,  I agree with Fox. Your health is your own business and what Michelle Obama is doing in this campaign I'd try to "cure obesity," which is 1) not a disease and thusly not in not in need of a cure and 2) poor science. But as I've stated again and again, hypocrisy is ugly. Fox is notorious for harping on how much money fat people cost society (and if you want myriad research to prove that this is a fallacy, I'd be happy to send it to you) as well as propagating their own "cures" for obesity. Furthermore, although I fully disprove of Michelle Obama's agenda for cutting calories in school and the "Let's Move" campaign, it is a fact that many students don't have access to healthy food or really actual food and that schools really ought to take responsibility for feeding their students nutritive things. I don't think this means we need to cut our kiddos' calories, though. I think it means we need to acknowledge as a nation that neither French fries nor ketchup are vegetables, that hot dogs are not a viable healthy option, and that iceberg lettuce does not equal "salad." You can cut hundreds of calories and still eat crappy pseudo-food.

The moral: Don't watch Fox news.