Adventures in Nature - 29 Hours In

The Stats

Date: Monday, March 11, 2013
Weight: 201 lbs.
Consecutive Hours of Sleep: 3.25
Mood: Calm, bored
Energy Level: 3 (low, but to be fair, haven't done much today)

Three days of detox is harder than I thought. Chewing a carrot pretending it's something other than a carrot takes a bit of inspiration. What's weird, though, is that I'm not craving what I thought I'd be craving. I could give a crap about chips, cookies, cakes, pies, and the toaster strudels in my freezer: I want nuts, peanut butter, eggs, toast with butter, and seafood.

I was watching Bizarre Foods this afternoon and got so food-horny watching Andrew Zimmern eat pan-fried cod fresh from the arctic ocean that I "cheated" and ate a handful of cashews. It's still a one-ingredient food, right? I have no self-control.

The thing is this: I'm not hungry, per se. I want food that's different than what I'm having, but I'm craving whole foods that are providing things I'm not currently getting, namely fat and grains. I'm holding out for Wednesday afternoon when I will make scrambled eggs with salt and pepper and whole grain toast with Land O' Lakes butter. I also bought some whole food granola today (no chemicals, yay!) and I'm looking forward to a breakfast/second breakfast (a.k.a. 10:00 a.m. lunch) of that with some Greek yogurt on Thursday. Damn, I'm making myself pseudo-hungry.

Tonight for dinner I forced down the beet-based juice. It was a challenge, a rooty, purple challenge. Turns out I only like pickled beets, and the two beets slices that escaped the juicing process sitting in wait at the bottom of my glass suffered a garbage can fate.

After the beet juice, I treated myself to a banana.

Also today, I've had the Banana-Kale-Apple, which was delicious and smooth, and the a cup of the Orange Yum-Yum. I had to toss the "Gobb Salad" (pun intended) and I also drained the ...And the Kitchen Sink because, on second taste, it was like biting into a plain lemon and not letting go.

The other downer of detoxing - besides craving the fatty whole foods - is that I have to pee, like, every 30 minutes. Now, those of you who know me are probably giggling and saying ridiculous things like, "Sounds about right" and "Seems normal for you." It isn't. This is ridiculous, even by my standards, and I literally pee on average fourteen times per day. I am holding my pee in to the point where I almost don't make it to the bathroom because I'm so damn tired of visiting the bathroom. TMI, sorry.

There are some upsides, though. In addition to peeing fourteen times a day, I also normally apply chapstick about the same amount. Burt's Bees, but still, I'll admit to being addicted to chapstick. Know how many times I've used chapstick today? Twice. And I haven't been thinking about it or feeling like I need to use it. I tried to go cold turkey from chapstick once back in the summer of 2010. I had withdrawals; my mouth felt dry, my lips a parched and hardened wasteland that my tongue, however wet, could not drench. Not so currently. My lips feel...normal. They don't feel juicy and satiated or anything, but they feel normal. Like I've put chapstick on just a few minutes ago, except I haven't. Also, I've had this patch of eczema on my right pointer finger for several weeks now that I've been drowning in lotions and ointments. It cleared up today. Coincidence? Not coincidence? Additionally, my breath smells pretty good all the time. Lots of banana overtones. Also, I think my skin feels softer, but maybe I'm making it up and having a sensory moment of petting myself.