Friday, April 26, 2013

Things You Can't or Shouldn't Do

This post is filled with lists of things certain groups of people were once or are still told they cannot or should not do. If the historical ones resonate with you as frivolous, infuriating, and archaic, you might want to ask yourself why you still believe the stereotypes still in circulation. Disclaimer: I do not believe or promote any of these stereotypes. I am merely proving a point.

Things Women Should Not and Cannot Do

1. Women shouldn't drive.

Fact: In 1910, only 5% of licensed drivers in the United States were women. Women were told they were too delicate, of lesser education, and not inclined mechanically enough to operate motor vehicles. However, during World War I and again in World War II women were recruited to drive trucks and fill jobs that men used to fill, negating this archaic stereotype.

2. Women do not belong in politics.

Fact: women fought for and won the right to vote in 1919, with the 19th amendment being ratified in 1920. Women were historically thought of exclusively in a domestic role and were thusly unable to attend educational institutions or political meetings, so politics was thought to be "above" their understanding.

3. Women shouldn't be paid as much as men, even for the same work.

Women don't belong in many work sectors, like politics, law, and manufacturing. Because of this, it will be impossible for them to ever make the same pay as a man simply because a woman is not capable of doing a man's work. Fact: It's 2013 and, on average, women still earn 77¢ to a man's $1.00. To echo the political ads: Ed Markey knows this is wrong. Congratulations on the math skills.

4. Women shouldn't be in the armed forces.

"Few women have the strength, speed, or aerobic capacity of even the average man," writes Professor Kingsley Browne or Wayne Law School (January 25, 2013). Beyond their weakened state, women could end up pregnant or get raped, and then they won't be able to serve. Also, their presence creates combat amongst male soldiers who then can't work cooperatively together, and on whom women will bestow sexual harassment allegations due to their natural competitive nature.

5. Women can't be funny.

Women are more volatile with their moods, so the likelihood that they'll develop a sense of humor is low. Also, it's not important for women to be funny because men either don't require that or find it attractive in a mate. Additionally, women take themselves too seriously so cannot laugh at themselves. And if you cannot laugh at yourself, you cannot be funny.

Things Black People Should Not and Cannot Do

1. Black people cannot be trusted.

Black people will steal everything you own. They don't do work and they're content just to take your stuff. Fact: 39.8% of welfare recipients are African American. 38.8% are white. But really that's because the government has taken white people's jobs. White people work when they can. Black people just want to live off the government.

2. Black people can't speak proper English.

All white people were born speaking proper English - even our fearless once-leader, George W. Bush - but black people (with very few exceptions - think Colin Powell) just don't do it right. They change verbs and use jargon that isn't compatible with white normalcy. Fact: this challenges a status quo and makes those with white privilege uncomfortable.

3. Black people shouldn't procreate.

Black people are mostly all on welfare, so they should really stop having children. The rest of America is tired of paying for them.

4. Black people shouldn't act black.

You know, with the rap and the hip-hop and the baggy pants: they're acting too black and they'll never get white people to stop acting racist if they don't assimilate to white culture.

5. Black people shouldn't vote.

They came to this country and just started demanding things like personal freedoms and their own language. They can't own land, so why should they vote? Fact: Freed black men were given the right to vote in 1870 via the 15th amendment.

Things Gay People Should Not and Cannot Do

1. Gay people shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Gay people only want gay children to perpetuate their gay lifestyles. They will corrupt the children and teach them how to be gay and soon we will all be gay.

2. Gay people shouldn't be given the right to marry. 

Leviticus 18:22 - Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable. (In other words: gay is geeeerooooos.)

Leviticus 20:13 - If a man has sexual relations with a man as he does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads. (In other words: if you have gay sex, straight people must kill you.)

Leviticus 19:24 - If a woman have discharge, and the discharge from her body is blood, she shall be put away for seven days; and whoever touches her shall be unclean until evening. (In other words: if you're on the rag, you need to go to quarantine.)

Leviticus 11:1 - And the swine, though it divides the hoof, having cloven hoofs, yet does not chew the cud, is unclean to you. (In other words: put down the bacon!)

Leviticus 19:19 - You shall not sow your fields with two kinds of seeds. (In other words: Monsanto is doomed.)

Leviticus 20:27 - A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death. (In other words: you'd best hide all your Harry Potter books.)

3. Gay people shouldn't flaunt their lifestyle in public. 

It's fine if you want to be gay, but no one else needs to see it. I don't want to see you hold hands or kiss or hug because that is stuff you should do in private. Have you all seen my engagement ring?

4. Gay men can't be macho and gay women cannot be feminine, unless they are in my porno video.

Gay men are all skinny little ninnies who say things like, "Girlfriend" and call their female friends "Bitch." They listen to Beyoncé, watch Glee, and know the words to most musicals. Lesbians are butch hyper-feminists in logger outfits. Except the ones in pornos. They are pretty and should be worshipped.

Things Fat People Should Not and Cannot Do

1. Fat people can't be hot.

It's just impossible to be fat an sexy. Sure, some fat people are cute, but that's as far as it goes.

2. Fat people shouldn't wear stripes.

Stripes widen people. Don't wanna look any fatter than you already are.

3. Fat women shouldn't wear their hair long.

It makes them look fatter. They should all chop it off and wear it about chin length to elongate their necks.

4. Fat people shouldn't eat in public.

Everyone knows fat people are fat because they eat too much. Why add more fuel to the fire? Be a model fatty and only eat food at him. In private. With no one watching.

Fact: There is no correlation between dieting and improved life. Just the opposite. Most dieters (95%) regain ALL the weight they lost and then some within a few short years. Additionally, most dieters focus on food all the time and have a poor relationship with food and their own bodies. Contrarywise, there is a correlation between a healthy lifestyle - eating real food and moving your body - and improved life. Mind you, improved life does not mean "thin life."

5. Fat people shouldn't dance, jump, or otherwise move.

Fat people shouldn't be fat, but they shouldn't move because then their fat moves, too. Hypocrisy is ugly, yo.

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